{ Mean Mean Mommy }

"Honey, Be sure to use mouthwash after you brush your teeth."

"But, Mommm! I can stand the new mouthwash!"

"I got you a kid one. Bubble Gum flavor. It's pink. Why don't you like it?"

"It's the grossest thing ever. It doesn't taste like bubble gum at all. It taste like rotten bubble gum. It's soooooo gross!!!" (Note: It does NOT taste like rotten bubble gum. It taste like bubble gum medicine. I tried it.)

"You need to use mouthwash. It's not a choice. You can either use the one I got you or you can use Mommy's and Daddy's. It doesn't have any alcohol in it, so it'll be fine for you to try." (The entire time I am telling her this, she is making dramatic fake gagging and dry heave motions with her throat, face, and whole body...and yet she refuses to try out for a role in the class play.)

(with slow moves, quivering and whimpering, as if she is about to get a whopper of a flu shot, she takes a sip of our mouthwash and swishes it around in her mouth and then violently spits it into the sink) "That is HORRIBLE!!!!! Agh! It burns my tongue! It burns! It burns!" (Like a vampire who just ate garlic)

"Look at it this way; If you keep using that one, then soon you will be able to enjoy the spicy salsa when we go to Mexican restaurants."

"That's not funny, Mom." (She starts giggling at my salsa/mouthwash correlation, then stops, and goes back to rolling her eyes to demonstrate just how un-funny I am)

"Okay, I will go look for a milder one for kids. I will check the organic store and see what I find. I'll either go sometime this week or next week. BUT, until then, you'll just have to use the bubble gum mouthwash even if you don't like the way it tastes." (She sulks and makes more fake gagging noises)

----- Fast forward a few hours to when my husband gets home from work and walks in the door---- with a PLEASE SAVE ME NOW tone she says,  "Guess what, Daddy? Mom said she is going to make me use the gross mouthwash forrrreverrrr." 

Sealed with a minty fresh Kiss, Kirsten

S.W.A.K.

Bedtime Breakdown

source

So my daughter realized a movie which she has been wanting to see was coming on this evening on the Disney Channel at 8 p.m. and ending at 10 p.m. Her bedtime is 8:30. She jumps off the sofa, does a happy dance, and assumes the rest of the evening is planned. THAT is when I step in. I, using my nice Mommy voice, explain to her, "Honey, that movie comes on 30 minutes before your bedtime and isn't over until 10 which is too late. You're gonna have to watch it some other time." Cue the atomic bombs and screeches that make nails on a chalkboard sound like a lullaby. Saylor immediately goes into high-pitched whinny begging mode, followed by pouting mode, followed by negotiating mode, followed by tears. I go from nice Mommy voice to Supreme Ruler Voice. She argues, "But, I've NEVER seen it and I reallllllllllly wanna see it." Me, with an edge to my voice probably due to the fact that I am now talking through clenched teeth, "I know. But not tonight. It's a school night." She then proceeds to offer me her weekly allowance of $4 in exchange for staying up late. I stand firm and once again get labeled as the "Mean Mom". Thanks Disney channel for advertising movies to air on a school night just before bedtime. Is this where the magic begins?

Sealed with a Kiss, Kirsten
S.W.A.K.

The Perfect Mommy

While watching an episode of Wifeswap:

"Look, Mom! That mother is terrible! Her kids are terrible!"

"I'm watching it, Honey. Oh wow. That mom IS terrible."

"I know!!! I can't believe it! I am never gonna be a mom like that. When I grow up, I am gonna be the best Mom EVER!"

"I don't want you to grow up. But, I know you'll make a great Mommy one day."

"Yup. I am gonna be the best mom because I am gonna have a mixture of goodness and meanness just like you."

Sealed with a Kiss, Kirsten

S.W.A.K.

You Are My Sunshine

My daughter was on the Sunshine Committee this past week in her classroom. As part of this highly coveted position, one of the things to do is bring a treat to share with the class. I stayed up past midnight making 16+ heart-shaped Rice Krispy treats with sunny yellow frosting and little pearl sprinkles. Nothing says motherhood like staying up late making sweets for your child's class. My daughter was very pleased with these very sunshiny and Doris Day-ish treats. I was feeling more like a lunar eclipse rather than a ray of sun the next morning after staying up so late. However, the smile on my daughter's face, as she proudly carried her heart-shaped treats into her classroom, made it all worth the while! She is my sunshine!

Sealed with a Kiss, Kirsten

S.W.A.K.

Signs of Motherhood

Signs of Motherhood: waiting in carpool lane while jamming to Kings of Leon with a bottle of hand wipes for your child nestled in the drink holder.


Sealed with a Kiss, Kirsten

S.W.A.K.